Duck Duck Cougar?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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