Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
