a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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