Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
