This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
