margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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