This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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