My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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