I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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