I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
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you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
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You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
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