YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
you never un-have a 4some
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
