You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
