apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
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He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
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Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
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