Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
