I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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