I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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