PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
