how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Vodka?
Forever.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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