we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Holy shit dude........stairs
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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