so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
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So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I want to fling myself into the sun
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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