You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
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