So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
