My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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