Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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