I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
