guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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