did you get engaged???
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
did i just pee glitter
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
