Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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