i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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