apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
