Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
