You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Plan B is the new Plan A
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
