i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
