I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
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I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
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He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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