nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
