I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You pole danced in your parka.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
