Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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