Rock
Scissors
Fuck
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
