Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
