Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
