the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
