I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
well I can't set my house on fire every night
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
