Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
