Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
It's shark week go big or go home
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
