I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I think people are normalizing furries
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
