The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
