I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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