I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
