Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
