I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
