I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Randomize
