i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
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Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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