So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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