Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(313): View more from Michigan

That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?

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(480): View more from Arizona

i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone

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(707): View more from California

He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.

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(303): View more from Colorado

No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question

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(704): View more from North Carolina

The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.

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(703): View more from Virginia

I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.

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(415): View more from California

I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law

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