my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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