i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
My breath smells like gin and sadness
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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