I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
