Too much gin, very little bucket
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
