I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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