but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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